My instinct is 90% of bloggers in the world are currently writing, have written, or plan to write some type of blog today to kick off 2017. Every New Years Day provides an opportunity, somehow, to turn things around, and for those of us that feel compelled to share our thoughts and feelings, this is one of the days that you can’t help but share on.
Today, I think my blog will be different… I’m going to be fully transparent about my resolutions. Essentially, I have none, because I don’t believe in them, have continuously failed at them, and quite frankly, believe that real change does not have to happen because it is a “special” day. When you are ready to make a change, you do it. When you know you need to make a change, but aren’t ready, then all the promises around resolutions and change essentially turns into a giant pile of BS that is meaningless and makes you feel bad. Here’s the scoop. I have 3 kids, a husband, a house, a full-time job, volunteer work, and the list goes on. I do too much, trying to be the perfect mom, the perfect “parent” at school, the perfect employee, the perfect person, the perfect… I feel like I’m constantly failing, everyday, all the time. I give the world around me 150%, and in the process, I give myself very little. In the last month, I have been diagnosed with pneumonia, a double-ear infection, an unhealthy weight gain in 2016, and stomach issues, and yet I’m still waking up on New Years Day at 6 am, making breakfast for my family, working on a presentation for work, catching up on some volunteer work tasks, and more. My family wakes up three hours later.
Laying this out there, but understand, this is not a bitch fest. This ridiculousness is my own damn fault, a vicious cycle that I have created for myself because I’m trying to make everyone happy and be three different versions of me, never once asking why and if it’s necessary.
I over-volunteer at school because I feel bad that I can’t be home with my kids more (and very frankly don’t want to be. I would be an awful stay-at-home mom and admit it).
I work ridiculous hours for work, because I am ambitious and candidly egotistical. I love work. I love being good at work. I love clients, and I like when my clients love me. Yet, clients don’t care about the crap in your life. They want results, and I want to give them the best. So, I work my ass off. I spend 24 hours over the course of my vacation on a deck, because they asked for a draft during my vacation and I didn’t feel I could say no. And I honestly, didn’t think about saying no…in part because sometimes, you just can’t.
And on top of all that, I try to be the Pinterest mom. Cooking obscene meals everyday, making homemade gifts, doing all the things that I get some enjoyment out of, but don’t love to do, but feel like I should because it’s what my mom did, and my aunts did, and my grandma did, and…isn’t that what you do if you want to be a good wife and mother?!? It’s really a question. I honestly don’t know half the time.
So here’s my plan. Screw the New Year’s resolutions in 2017. I am taking a different approach. Today, I’m going to tell you what I want to be better at. Not perfect at, just better. Because I do want a change, but I am also perfectly imperfect, and I’m finally learning – after 38 years, 13 of them married and 10 of them as a mom – that imperfect is what makes me perfect.
In 2017, I vow to be better at:
- Saying no to things that aren’t critical, necessary, or enjoyable.
- Stretching out of my comfort zone in social settings that make me nervous, essentially any non-work effect that requires (“DUH-DUH-DUH”) small talk
- Exercising more
- Eating a bit healthier
- Drinking less alcohol
- Yelling less
- Focusing on the positive in my life
- Spending money on stupid stuff
- Being kind and less judgmental to those I love
- Writing more
- Giving myself a break
The truth is that if I do just a little bit better on even one or two of these things, I’ll be happier, my family will be happier, and my life will be better. So I’m going to try, because that is the best that I can do.
Happy, happy New Year to all of you perfectly imperfect people! Wishing you strength, love, and year worth of trying to be better in 2017.